Grief is just love

“Grief I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All of that love gathers up in the corner of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love…with no place to go.”

Today I am grieving. I am grieving saying goodbye to the locals that became friends, the city that turned into my home, the country that blew me away, the ministry that brought me into a deeper relationship with The Lord; I’m grieving saying goodbye. It’s not in any means a bad thing, on the contrary it’s overwhelmingly good. It’s honestly hard to explain, but I will do my best.

I keep processing and thinking about the fact that I wasn’t even supposed to be here, in Costa Rica. This was not on my original route when I signed up for the World Race, but God brought me here, for a reason. I’ve been trying to figure out what that reason would be. I’ve been praising God for how grateful I am that His ways are much higher than my ways, and He knows it all in the end, regardless of what I’m feeling now. I mean, how beautiful that I got to spend over a month in this country and truly lean into Him. This was no accident, He planned it and He knows. Thank you God.

I am grieving and processing, praying and thinking, sitting in silence and reading the word. I hear His voice, and His gentle reminder that He is for me and He loves me. He is with me, He knows what’s next and I can rest in that and that alone. Though there have been times where my feet have grown weary trying to keep pace, and my eyes have grown tired trying to keep focus, it is precisely this moment where The Lord steps in. Over and over again He steps in, graciously reminding me He is still leading the way, restoring my soul, day by day, to the exact place where I need to be; with Him.

We head to San Jose for debrief with the entire squad tomorrow for a few days and then on to Guatemala! We will find out the exact ministry and city at debrief, so once I know I will let you all know too. I would love prayers for my heart; The Lord is working in it so sweetly and gently. Prayers for processing everything that my heart is going through, and prayers for safe travels. Prayers for the grief, its hard but it’s good. The Lord knows what He is doing, always.

So today I have grief, but grief is just love.